This weekend was bad. I mean it was an awful, terrible, no-good, very bad last few days. My kids were awful, Braden was out of town, the kids were sick, I didn't get any sleep, and last but certainly not least Braden and I got in the biggest fight of our lives. Rival only to the New Years Incident of 2009, which was pretty bad. I am saddened to say, that I officially lost my shit. And now, I'm fairly certain it's going to take a little while to mend.
Isn't it strange how fragile life is? Think about all the time, and effort and hard work goes into building someone's life. I mean, everyone has a mother that has devoted her life completely to caring for that person. People most likely have friends and brothers and sisters that love them; and many have children who depend on them. But in the end, none of that matters to Death. It comes to us all, but there is no "life meter" that measures how good someone is, or how much they deserve to keep on living, or how many people will miss them. It doesn't matter. When it's time, it's time; no matter what anyone's plans are. I know that God has a plan and everything happens for a reason, but I know that I will never understand the reasoning behind how much goes into building a life, and how little it takes for it to end.
I think it's the same thing for relationships. Any relationship really, but marriage is particularly fragile. No matter how amazing your husband is, no matter how hard he works, no matter how much you love him and you know that he loves you; one incident, one bad decision, one weekend can throw everything into turmoil. It doesn't seem very fair.
For those of you that read other people's blogs and think how perfect their life is, I want you to know that a blog usually only highlights a portion of someone's life. Every single person has bad things to deal with, and no marriage is perfect. Different couples have different problems, but I believe that the ones who make it are the ones who believe that their relationship is worth fighting for. Anything worth having is. And while I'll still probably be a little blue for a few days, I believe that I am really lucky to be able to fight with as good a man as Braden. I wouldn't want to fight with anybody else.
Sorry for the downer post, I just wanted to keep it real here, ya know? So, for a pick-me-up, I had a Personal Day yesterday. I got a pedicure & a manicure, and got a haircut & new color. I spent all day, all by myself. Unfortunately, while that sounded like a good idea- I spent the whole day sad and lonely and was not really cheered up until I got home to my family. I realized that nothing out there was going to make me feel better. The only thing I need is being with the people I love the most- my kids and my husband. I hope that if anyone else is in the same boat, know that you are not alone, and everyone has crappy situations to deal with. Even the luckiest people.